Impostor
I’ve always attempted to be very honest on this website, as I try to be very honest generally in life. In some ways I’ve been successful here and in some ways I have not. In person I think very few people would claim I was anything but 100% authentic and genuine in pretty much everything I do. I feel that that is not entirely true here. I’ve come and gone from this website, usually openly about why, but honestly I’ve also felt like an impostor the entire time I’ve run it. I wasn’t trying to be. Never was I trying to be. I’ve wanted so badly to run a creative business, to make money from my skills and my art, and from sharing them with people, that I too often did what I felt necessary, or read somewhere I should do. I’d write a tutorial because someone asked for one and I wanted to be helpful. I’d make a product for sale because someone else was in their business and having success with it. I followed frameworks, and business how-to articles that just made me feel shadier and shadier.
Recently I had to contact a company because a purchase of mine was broken and I saw I had contacted them previously about working with them to promote a new product of theirs. You guys, I HATED doing that. I STILL hate doing that. When I saw that message I was immediately reminded of why I had done it. A business thing I was doing at the time had a big thing about contacting 5 or more companies EVERY DAY to ask to work with them, to ask for free stuff and sponsorships, and I tried it. I hated it, but I tried it. I stopped doing that ages ago and I do NOT miss it, not one bit.
It’s been a LONG time since I truly found joy doing this website and running this business, and I know it was because I wasn’t being truly authentic and honest, and not really with you, I always feel I’ve been pretty honest here, but more importantly I haven’t been honest with myself. I can’t even tell you the last time I found true joy in ANY project of mine. I’ve designed a project for sale because it was popular, I’ve designed a pattern because someone wanted one or because I could, I whipped out product after product for inventory to keep my hands busy and make something, but I haven’t LIKED any of them for I don’t even know how long.
I’ve been trying for so long to fake it til I make it, and do whatever I thought I could to make this website and business successful that I honestly don’t even know what I actually like for crafts anymore. I really do an extremely wide variety and I flit from style to style and craft to craft and have no intention of settling down, but I need to make something because I want too. I need to find my authentic voice and true self in this overcrowded crafty world and know what I like again. I need to get back to me and then get back to sharing it with you.
So, that brings me to my reason for writing this. Truthfully, I don’t know what the future holds for me and for this site. I want to make a grand proclamation of what I am going to change and when the new stuff will appear, but I can’t, because that is the same fake attitude that I have been worn down by all along.
This is what I’m gonna do:
I’m taking down the title bar menu, but currently leaving up all my free patterns and old blog posts. If it was here before it’s here somewhere now. Those same patterns may get deleted redone, and brought back better. I really don’t know. Any free patterns I currently have up can all be found here:
I’m emptying my web store. I’ll be selling, hopefully, at some local craft shows and events instead. I won’t be posting or blogging here maybe ever, maybe for a while. Once I get that ball rolling I may set up a page here to tell you where I’ll be selling. I may also occasionally list products online elsewhere, I haven’t really decided yet.
I’ll still be posting regularly on Instagram, and probably nowhere else. My business Facebook page will most likely sit idle for awhile, unless I post upcoming show info there, which I probably will. If you want to follow along as I figure out what I want to do with myself, that will be on Instagram. I do regularly post things there from life, crafts, and whatever. It’s a real mash-up of all the things I’m interested in, care about, or have generally going on. You can find my page here:
I’m not sure what will be happening here on the website anytime soon. I may be working behind the scenes some, a bit, a little, a lot, I’m not really sure. If you’re looking for something that was here and can’t find it (or if you want to contact me and cheer me on, or contact me and tell me I suck) you can get in touch with me and I’ll help.
This actually isn’t what I intended to write today. I made the top graphic a few days ago with the intention of posting that I’d be doing some behind the scenes stuff and then new stuff would be happening. I just can’t. I love the idea that I prepped recently of how to proceed and where to go from here. It’s still a plan I intend to enact, but not yet. To do it right now it would be one more thing I’d do to throw at the wall and see if it sticks, and I can’t do that anymore. I can’t be successful and happy if I’m not happy, and have no idea what success looks like to me. I know to be happy that I NEED to get back to doing things I enjoy, and then I think success will follow. I really need to step back, be honest with myself, find myself, and then come back to you.